How to annoy warrior cats: Part 2
by Everlasting Dragonfire
Summary: Have any suggestions? Post which situation you want next! I'll do the situation with the most suggestions. Also, I'll be doing a contest again, just like last time. Read Part 1! I DON'T OWN WARRIORS.
1. If Firestar Discovered Pizza

**Hello, and welcome to How To Annoy Warrior Cats: Part 2!**

**I hope to see many of the same people reviewing Part 2 as well, and also some new people as well! As you know from Part 1, I will be still taking advice. **

**This part of How To Annoy Warrior Cats will go like this:**

**Title: If _ Discovered _ .**

**Cat in first blank, thing in second blank.**

**Then I will do a very short story on it.**

**Review with ideas!**

**BTW: I will still be doing the contest. I think that worked well last time.**

Chapter 1: If Firestar Discovered Pizza

It was just a sunny, average day in ThunderClan and Firestar was tired and was heading back to his den. He had had a long day of patrolling, leadership issues, and ShadowClan. He obviously needed a good night's rest. But when he padded into the leader's den, he discovered the strangest thing laying on top of his nest- a box with a picture with a picture of a Twoleg on it with the funniest hat. And on top of the box was a little note saying: "Only take one piece, ok, honey? ITS MINE. Luv ya, Sandystorm."

By this time Firestar was growing increasingly curious. He opened the lid carefully, gingerly touching the lid with the strange Twoleg on it- and at once delicious smells filled his nostrils.

"Oh yum." He mewed, and ate it all in about five rabbithops.

When Sandstorm returned, she was furious.

"YOU STOLE ALL MEH FOOD!" She was yowling. She made Firestar raid a Twoleg den to get some more, and then they both lived happily ever after.

**Tell me what you want next! Please review!**


	2. If Ashfoot Discovered The Kindle Fire

**Thanks for the feedback!**

**Hope you liked the first chapter!**

Chapter 2: If Ashfoot Discovered Kindle Fire's

Ashfoot, the ancient WindClan deputy, was padding in a circle in her den. She had been trying to figure out this black shiny square for the last hour. The thing now had tons of scratches from Ashfoot's outbursts of rage. "StarClan dammit!" She muttered. She bit the side of it and flung it across the den, against the dirt side. And suddenly, the screen glowed! She padded over to it and started tapping it. And then on the front page, it said, "Onestar's secrets" and it was a little square icon. "Hehehe, this should be good." She said. She tapped the little icon and it went to a new screen. It said: "If you are reading this Ashfoot you are no longer deputy because A. You're way too old and B. You're invading my life." Yowling, she picked it up and flung it out of her den, where it promptly killed Crowfeather on impact with his head.


	3. If Lionpaw(blaze) Discovered Video Chat

**Thank you for all the reviews! Here's the next chapter.**

**Chapter 3: If Lionpaw and Heatherpaw discovered video chat.**

Lionpaw was staring at the silver tablet that Heatherpaw had given him. He had just hit the little button on the side, as Heatherpaw had instructed, and it had turned on. He tapped the little "mouse" to navigate the screen. _Hmmph. Mouse. Well, real mouse's are a lot better._ He scrolled across the screen to where it said "Facetime". Heatherpaw said to double click this. He did. And then this weird window popped up. _Aggh! _In the box, there was an exact replica of himself. And then he tapped the mouse again, and it said "Calling Heatherpaw." He sighed in relief as his image disappeared and Heatherpaw took his place. He waved his paw. "Hi." He mewed.

Heatherpaw looked at him strangely. "Why is Firestar sitting behind you Lionpaw?"

He gulped, and slowly turned around.

_Oops._


	4. If Tigerstar Discovered Nunchucks

**Thank you so much for all the feedback! Contest next chapter.**

**Chapter 4: If Tigerstar Discovered Nunchucks.**

Tigerstar was padding through the Dark Forest when he tripped on a strange object.

He growled. "Do Twolegs leave their junk in the Dark Forest now, too?"

But then he nudged it with one paw, and it made a scraping noise. _Hmmm. Maybe I could use this._ First he tried it as a jumprope, then as a tripping device, but in the end, he ended up swinging it like a maniac. "HAHAHAHA!" He mewed loudly, slamming it into a tree, and splintering it. He brought it around in a full circle and yowled: "Any Dark Forest cat come and fight Sensei Tigerstar!" He swung his nunchucks in a very un-ninja like manner, and ended up knocking himself out.

When he woke up, he was tied to a tree by his nunchucks, and every Dark Forest warrior was there, laughing at him. _Oh great. _He thought. _Now how will they ever follow me to kill the Clans?_


	5. Important Contest: Closed

**Hi guys! It's time for another contest! Same rules apply from Part 1.**

This cat is…

Tigerstar's father's mate


	6. Ferncloud Discovers 19 Kids In Counting

**Last chapter for today. I might get a chapter up tomorrow, maybe not, **

**depending on plans. But keep a watch out for a new chapter anyway.**

**So, Icefeather (Guest) won the contest, so I am choosing one of their suggestions from their previous review. So, yeah.**

If Ferncloud Discovered 19 Kids In Counting

Ferncloud was staring at the TV in the nursery, where she has spent about eighty-five percent of her life so far. She was watching her new favorite show, 19 kids in counting. Dustpelt was next to her horrified. But she was obviously very happy.

"Dusty, this could totally be us! And we're already almost half way there. You want to have some more so we can be _exactly _like them?"

Dustpelt looked even more horrified as Ferncloud spoke and the show rolled on.

"Do you want to spend your entire life in here or something?"

"Of course! I love having kits, and having free food brought to me and not having to do anything!"

"That's it. I'm telling Firestar you're laziness issues."

"No! Stop! Please?" She looked at him with wide eyes.

Dustpelt grudgingly sat back down again. "Fine. For you."

"Yay!" And they watched the rest of the season together.

What ended up happening is Ferncloud got pregnant again and no longer liked 19 kids in counting, but then Dustpelt became super addicted and spent all day watching them and retired to the elder's den for a moon to watch all the seasons.


	7. If Ashfur Discovered Guns

**Sorry guys for not posting earlier I was hanging out at a new year's party. **

**Sorry. Anyways, I looked back over the reviews and here's a new one!**

If Ashfur Discovered Guns

Ashfur looked at the shiny black Twoleg object he was barely holding in his mouth. He remembered Sol's words: _When you see the person you want to die in front of you, pull the trigger. You have four shots. _But he was pretty pissed off. He needed five shots, if he was going to kill Bramblestar, Squirrelflight, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and Jayfeather. But that had only taken him a moment to decide. He was going to spare Jayfeather, and then kill him with his claws. Ashfur walks into the clearing and sees Bramblestar with Squirrelflight. He shoots twice. Two hits and kills. Then he hears a roar from the heavens. "NOOOOO!" Yells Everlasting Meow and all the BrambleXSquirrel fans and then they grab Ashfur and the gun and kills him with his own gun, and calls StarClan to please let Bramblestar and Squirrelflight still be alive.


	8. If Cinderpelt Discovered Wheelchairs

**I am so sorry! I am a very bad person for not posting in so long and there is no **

**excuse for it. Sorry. But, I finally have a new chapter!**

If Cinderpelt Discovered Wheelchairs

"Oh Cinderpelt!" She heard Firestar's cooing voice from outside her den. "I've got a surprise for you!" Befuddled, she peeked her head out from the medicine den.

"Yes?" she asked. "What is it?"

"Here!" Firestar presented a strange rolly Twoleg object. "It'll help you move around! Get in the seat and try!"

She cautiously hoisted herself up in the chair. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Use your paws to turn the wheels." Firestar recommended. "Or get someone to push you around." Instantly she was furious.

"PUSH ME AROUND? AM I THAT FEEBLE? TAKE YOUR LAME-*** PRESENT BACK! I CAN WALK MYSELF!"

"I just thought it would help with your limping…" muttered Firestar quietly.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD GO GET SOMETHING A TWOLEG HAS TO HELP ME, FIRESTAR. OR ARE YOU USED TO IT? ARE YOU A KITTYPET?"

"NOW THAT'S TAKING IT TOO FAR!" Yelled Firestar, and he sprung at her only to be knocked down by Graystripe.

"She's not worth it. She's only a cripple."

"OH, SO I AM A PATHETIC CRIPPLE, AM I? WELL, WATCH AND LEARN, BUDDY!"

No one knows what happened to ThunderClan after that. All they found was a note from Cinderpelt, saying: "To all the disbelievers" and there was a giant bloodstain on the clearing. But no bodies or evidence of anything was ever found again- Although, it was said that a crazy old she-cat was living in the Twolegplace as a loner, many moons later, with a crippled leg, and kept talking about "murdered treacherous clanmates".


	9. If Tigerheart Discovered Love Potions

**Hello again everyone, and I am back with another chapter! I am glad for 41 reviews already and only on Chapter 8- I find that astonishing. Much more reviews than I had at this point on Part 1. Thank you so much! **

If Tigerheart Discovered Love Potions

Tigerheart stared at the tiny little spray can in his paw, and he remembered his storage of 100 more back in his den. All he had to do was spray every she-cat in the Clans and BOOM! He would have tons of mates! But there was only one she-cat he really wanted. Dovewing. He saw her coming from ThunderClan and he prepped his bottle. And then she saw him.

"Hi, Tigerheart!" She mewed adoringly. "I know what you've got in your paw there."

It took him a second to figure out what she meant, but by then it was too late. The trap was sprung. He sprayed, and just in that moment Tigerstar was pushed in front of Dovewing and got the spray full in the face.

_Oh no… _he thought. Tigerstar blinked. "Honey?' he purred, and padded up to him and started brushing against him.

"HELP!" He yowled, running of through the forest like a cannon with Tigerstar on his tail. "MY CREEPY GRANDFATHER IS IN LOVE WITH ME!"

Nothing was ever seen of Tigerheart again.


	10. Important Contest 2: Closed

**Contest time has rolled around again, and it's the same as usual! Guests, leave **

**what you want in the chapter in the review also. So, everyone, try to guess **

**right and first!**

This cat is…

Crookedstar's great grandfather. HINT: Think Mapleshade.


	11. If Crookedstar Discovered PlasticSurgery

**OMG. I am the biggest villain in the world! I haven't posted anything in over a **

**week. So sorry everyone. But here's finally a chapter! Snowviolet (Guest) was **

**the winner in the previous chapter, so they chose the subject of this one!**

If Crookedstar Discovered Plastic Surgery

One day in StarClan Crookedstar was sitting on a rock, sunning himself, when Oakheart raced up to him. "Crookedstar! There's a new invention! You can get your ugly face fixed!"

He was baffled. "How? Hey, I'm not ugly! Take it back or I'll claw you!"

"Ugly cat." Said Oakheart tauntingly. "But it doesn't matter. If you get plastic-"

His words were cut of as Crookedstar hurled himself at him and clawed him up, and, for good measure, broke his jaw as well.

"Now you can join me in the ugly club!"

"No! Oaky!" He turned and saw Rainflower.

"Yeah. You always loved him more."

"That's right, _ugly._ But not anymore. He's ugly son number two now."

Crookedstar lunged at her. They fought for a few moments, and then Crookedstar snapped her neck and she went straight to the Dark Forest.

-Scene Change-

-ten hours later-

Crookedstar and all of StarClan were throwing a party. Every cat in StarClan was there, and there were drinks, tied up Twolegs, and every fun activity was there. Even cats from the lake were invited. Oakheart was adding the last finishing touches to the welcome sign: "Plastic surgery operations by the one and only Crookedstar! This party is only for those celebrating the death of Rainflower, the most hated mother ever!"


	12. If Bluestar Discovered Divorces

**Sorry everyone for enormous hiatus villain maneuvers here. My cat died- so I was too depressed to write comedy, but then I realized she would be happier if I continued doing my stories and being happy. So here I am, with a all-new chapter!**

**If Bluestar Discovered Divorces**

One day in StarClan, Bluestar was surfing around on her new Ipad, which she had gotten in the raffle celebrating Rainflower's demise and Crookedstar's new plastic surgery business, she saw this little ad on the side of the webpage saying "Unhappy with your mate? Get a divorce now!"

Inside, Bluestar was throwing a party. "I can finally be away from that Oakheart!" she yowled outloud.

Just at that moment, Oakheart walked into her den. "What's that Bluey?" he asked.

"Oh, well hate to break it to you buddy but this mating is OVER!"

His eyes widened. "Don't tell me you discovered divorces."

Her fur bristled. "You knew about this all along?"

"Well of course- I mean, no."

"TRAITOROUS SCUM!" She yowled, and clawed his throat open and left him dead on the ground.

Into his dying ears, she whispered- "Now I get the pity of a widow and I get all your prey!"

Then Oakheart died, and Bluestar lived happily ever after in StarClan leeching of Oakheart's fortune while he cursed her from who-knows-where.


	13. If Jayfeather Discovered Guide Dogs

**Sorry for not updating (for almost a month, oops) but here is the deserved **

**update to my loyal readers!**

**Chapter 13: If Jayfeather Discovered Guide Dogs**

***SCREENPLAY ROLLING*******

One day Jayfeather was strolling along in the ThunderClan camp when Lionblaze approached him. "Hey, Jayfeather!" He mewed. "I brought you some new friends!" Jayfeather heard barking and annoying yappy noises. "They're guide dogs! They'll see for you and you won't have to be like a stupid blind old bad grandpa mouse anymore!"

Jayfeather hissed. "What did you say about me?" He unsheathed his claws and cut Lionblaze's golden throat open. "Not so immortal, are we now, Lionblaze? I guess your power didn't work." Lionblaze's body slumped to the ground, letting go of the dog's leashes. "Pity." Jayfeather added right as three muscular dogs jumped on top of him and pinned him to the ground. "HELP!" He hollered. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

The dogs continued to beat him up for a few more hours.

***SCREENPLAY ENDS*******

Very far away, all the Clans were watching the newest movie in theaters, "Jayfeather's Stupidity". It was number one on the charts, and every single cat who watched it gave it five stars, except for Half Moon. Number two on the list was "Firestar's mary-sueness" and number three was "Honey, I got pregnant and no one noticed." Here are some comments on "Jayfeather's Stupidity" from cats of all the Clans:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Jaypoopy totally deserves this."

-Firestar

"Best movie EVER because it's TRUE!"

-Leafpool

"I've always hated this guy."

-Lionblaze

*Growls and kills the guy writing down the quotes.*

-Jayfeather


End file.
